Shelba

Aunt Jenny & Melissa

Hello!

Googling Perms

Two new perm searches:

1. Hair Perm Husband

2. Stylish Perms

Okay, I hope the person that searched for "Hair Perm Husband" is searching for excuses to talk her husband out of getting a perm. If not, and you are actually giving your husband a perm, please take a picture and send it to me.

Stylish Perms. Does one exist?

Hello, Baby!

Oh, I almost forgot....

The Baby made his debut early Wednesday morning. He weighed in at 9.5 lbs, and his mother pushed him out WITHOUT drugs. Brave woman.

I visited mother and child in the hospital, and up to that point, I never felt a twinge of sadness about all of this new baby stuff, but when I held The Baby, the tears started to well up. I looked down into his chubby, pink, sweet face and thought, "I want one." Then I thought, "I want him." Then I took off running out the door with The Baby. Just kidding. I gave The Baby back.

Baby Perms

Two recent searches that lead people to my blog:

1. Perm Old Woman's Hair

2. Baby Perms

I see nothing wrong with perming the elderly's hair, so I don't have anything to say about that, but "Baby Perms?" I hope to God nobody is considering giving their baby a perm. If you are, I imagine you must have your kid entered in a beauty pageant. How about this, instead of burning your child's scalp with perming chemicals, why not use rollers or a curling iron? Perming a baby's hair = child abuse. Walk away from you baby's head, count to ten, and go buy some of those pink sponge rollers.

Knock, knock. Who's there? The Baby. No, Baby, come back on Monday.

The warning bell has been rung, my next door neighbor, A, thinks she might deliver her baby this week. The baby is not due until Dec 12, but she is feeling like she could pop any day this week. I've been put on alert, because if the baby goes this week, I am going to watch their girls. I've never had them for longer than three hours, and one of them hates to be away from her mother (meaning she cries the entire time she is away from her), so I'm a bit nervous. I hope this baby can hang in there until Monday. Come on, baby, dig those heels and WAIT!!!

Run, Estella, Run!

I woke up this morning feeling incredibly nauseated. I thought, "Crap, I have the flu." Then I realized, no, no, it is not the flu, it is Bachelor Bob's new CD. Why the capital F would a record company allow him to immortalize his voice on a CD? WHY? And who is going to buy this piece of poop CD? WHO? I don't get it. If you do, please explain it to me.

Oh, and if you want to purchase this vomit, go to Target or Amazon.

I just found out that Bachelor Bob has written a book. Once again, I ask the questions, "Why?" and "Who?"

Sarah's Scoop

Check out Sarah's post about Michael Jackson. It is a good one!

Takes a lickin', keeps on tickin'

Last night, Lola disappeared under our bed and could only be coaxed out by her favorite treat, a carrot. As soon as she came out, Jake went under and brought out the item she had been working on....a roach trap. She got it from under Ray's bathroom sink. I screamed to Ray, "Lola chewed on a roach trap!" He freaked out. I freaked out. Lola seemed fine, but this is a dog who has one kidney, a funky liver that requires special food and an intolerance for certain drugs. We don't use pesticides on our lawn because of her. We purposely seek out organic treatments that are pet safe for her. But we have toxic roach traps under our sinks. Not good.

I called the 800 number on the back of the roach trap and talked to a nurse. She took all of Lola's information. Age, weight, medical history, etc. She told me that the chemicals in the trap are not toxic to mammals. But the back of the roach trap says to keep it away from pets, so I couldn't help but be concerned. She told me to wash off Lola's face and paws, and to give her some water. Of course, when we want Lola to drink water, she won't. So Ray got out the turkey baster and forced water into Lola's mouth. And to top it off, I think she has her armpit infection again. Ugghhh.

Hang in there, baby!

Someone googled, "Hate my Perm" and found my blog. I assume that you, the person who searched for "Hate my perm" is a female, maybe I'm wrong, maybe it is Bachelor Bob, who I'm sure has a perm scheduled perm every month. Anyway, I'm going to assume you are a woman. Girl, next time you want to get a perm, DON'T. My salon won't give you one if you're under 55. They actually have that rule. I've been to interventions to stop people from getting a perm, and I'm proud to say I've helped quite a few people avoid the hell that is known as a perm. So you hate your perm, that is not surprising. Hopefully, you have long enough hair that you can blow it out. I wish I had some advice, but all I can do is say a prayer that your perm will weaken. Hang in there, it will grow out.

Tasty

Woke up this morning feeling incredibly lazy. So lazy that when I heard my dog, Lola, preparing to throw-up I checked on her to make sure she was okay (she had eaten dryer lint), and make sure she wasn't hurling on my newly cleaned carpet. I was about to get paper towels to clean it up, but I thought that surely Jake, my other dog, would clean it up for me. Ten minutes later I checked on the pile of vomit, and it was gone. Thank you, Jake!