Shelba

I'm probably going to hell.

There is an elderly lady that lives on my street that stops by to visit me. There was a knock at my door today. I didn't want to answer it, but I did. It was her. She means well, but I hate to see her coming.

Today, she asked me if I have found a job yet. I told that I had not. So she told me that she is praying for me, and that she is worried about me. I told her not worry. I'm not looking for a job right now, but she doesn't understand that. I told her that I am going back to school, but she said that that is fine, but that I should work during the day and go to school at night.

Once she asked me if I went to church. I said, "No." Then she asked me, "Do you know who Jesus Christ is?" Even though I told her that I did indeed know who Jesus is, she went on to tell me that he is the son of God and that he died for my sins. And that she is going to pray for me that I start going to church. I want to tell her not to bother, but I don't, I always thank her and PRAY that she leaves.

I'm not answering my door anymore. It is either children selling overpriced candy, the Mormons, or her.

Impatient and Thrifty

My heart catheterization has been rescheduled for Friday. I found out that if I went in tomorrow, I would have to pay $1,000 deductible for 2003. And if I have to have anything done in 2004, I will have to pay another $1,000 deductible for next year. If I wait a couple of days we will save $1,000! So, I'm waiting to until 2004 to do the cath. I love saving $1,000, but man, I was really looking forward to knowing the results of this test tomorrow. Everything is on hold until I know what the dealy-o is with my heart. For instance, I am registered for a photography class this semester and it starts in two weeks. Do I need to cancel this class or not?

If they tell me that I can put surgery off for 10 years, then great, but if they tell me that they want to wait 6 months or a year, then I'm going to say, "Hell, no." Cut me open and fix the damn thing now. Get it over with! I've got things to do.

I've been detailed.

I just got back from the bikini wax. It hurt like a mother fucker. Sorry for the potty mouth, but there is no other way to describe it. I'll give the waxer credit, she didn't try to gloss over the fact that it was going to hurt, no, she told me that it was going to "hurt like hell" because "it has been a while" since my last wax. I always forget just how "eye opening" a bikini wax is, until the hair is being ripped out of my nethers. I wanted to scream, but I didn't. I bit down on my arm instead.

I still have sticky globs of wax firmly entrenched in my privates and I have to play tug-of-war with my underwear when I need to go to the bathroom, but it was worth it. Tomorrow, when they go to dry shave my pubes, they will be greeted with a friendly, neatly groomed racing stripe. I'll look at the nurse, wink, and say, "Holster that razor, pardner, I beat you to it."

So, I got home from the waxing, and checked out Getupgrrl's blog, to find her hilarious story about pubic hair and a suppository. It seems to be a theme today, doesn't it.

Preparations

Tomorrow is my heart catheterization. Since this is my second one, I know what to expect this time, and this time around I'm going in prepared. At 11:45 today, I am having a bikini wax. Why? Because when you have a heart cath, they dry shave your nether regions. You want to talk humiliating, try having someone shave your pubes in front of a room of 10 people. This time when the nurse whips out her razor and gleefully declares that it is "time to shave you" she will be disappointed to find her job already done.

This time, I will insist upon using the bathroom one more time before they wheel me up to the cath lab. You must remain motionless in bed for 4 to 6 hours after the procedure to avoid fatal blood clots. The last time, I needed to go, but I was too polite to mention it. I didn't want to bother them by getting out of bed one last time to take a quick bathroom break. Midway through the heart cath I developed the urge to pee a waterfall. It was made worse by two 200 lb men leaning their weight on top of my thighs to stop the bleeding where the tube went in. The worse part of all of this was when I had to pee in a bed pan, ring for a nurse to come take it away, then have her roll me over like an old rug for her to "wipe" me. After that, I gained a whole new respect for anyone that is bed ridden.

Super Star

I saw this at the mall and I had to buy it for Lola. She doesn't mind wearing "outfits" like this and I think it is funny, so what the hell. She is blind in one eye, the right one, and you can really see it in this picture. Her right eye is quite a bit smaller than her good one.

Armand's Buttons

Armand made me these sweet ass buttons of my dogs, Lola and Jake. I'm a bit late getting these up since he sent these before Christmas. The picture is a bit blurry. I tried to get one of the dogs in the picture with the buttons, but they are not cooperative.

Thank you, Armand!

Bye Bye Christmas

I had a great Christmas, and I'm sad that is over. My parents and brother came to visit us, and they left this morning. I hate saying goodbye, it ruins my day.

Not much to say today, but I'd thought I'd post anyway. Hope everyone had a great holiday!

I Have Plans

My "Plan B" doesn't look viable.

Plan B
1. Have mitral valve repaired
2. Recover from surgery
3. Have husband impregnate me
4. Endure pregnancy
5. Have Baby
6. Live Happily Ever After

My heart problem was caused by undetected rheumatic fever. Valve damaged by rheumatic fever are usually not repairable. The valve must be replaced. I won't get a pig or cow valve because these valves last only 5 years. I could get lucky and get a human valve donor, that would last 10 to 15 years, but that most likely won't happen. I'll get a mechanical heart valve, which will outlast me. I'll have to be on blood thinners forever and ever.

So, I'm still with "Plan A"

Plan A
1. Have mitral valve replaced.
2. Recover from surgery
3. Initiate adoption process
4. Endure adoption process
5. Adopt Baby
6. Live Happily Ever After

We don't care how we become parents. We have accepted adoption, embraced adoption. So I quit relying on Plan B a long time ago, but I thought that if I had to have heart surgery why not repair it and then see if pregnancy was possible. But, that is so very unlikey. And that is fine. I am grateful that I have worked to the point where learning there is not plan B is okay with me. I was just trying to keep my options open.

Heart Valves and Bikini Waxes

I saw my heart doctor today. I don't have heart damage, which is what I feared. I go in on the 30th for my cardiac catheterization, and I'll know then what they think needs to be done. I could have gone in tomorrow for the procedure, but that would interfere with my remaining Christmas shopping. Plus, I need a serious bikini wax appointment before I go in. They insert the catheter the groin area, and they will do a quick dry shave on your pubes should they feel it necessary. I don't want to give them any reason to whip out the razor on me. Came home from the heart hospital, and booked my wax appointment for the day before.

I'm not upset, or worried about any of this anymore. Got to do what I have to do, and frankly, part of me hopes they go for the surgery because I hear that I will feel like a new person.

My Heart Hurts

I can deal with putting off the baby thing, but I can't face never having a child. And that is what I'm scared this latest development means. It has been a while since I've had to avert my eyes when I see baby clothes. Since this latest news, I can't look at them, it feels like a karate chop to the neck. But, I have not given up hope. In fact, the way I see it is that if a 50 year old man can go through open-heart surgery and do this, then I will be fine.