I will have been Z's mom and she will have been my daughter for one month on the 6th of July. I love that girl with an intensity that I've never known, but the first 1.5 weeks home were hell. I seriously questioned whether or not I was cut out to be a mother. I could barely get through a day. I'm not joking. Yeah, it was jet lag. Yeah, I was sick as a dog. Yeah, she had severe jet lag. Yeah, this was all new to her. Yeah, this was all new to me. Yeah, I could barely lift my head off of the floor. Yeah, I was getting only a couple hours of sleep at a time. I was a mess.
I confess to praying that I would go in for my blood test and that they would tell me that my blood was too thin and that I needed to be hospitalized. I would have been thrilled had that happened. I thought that it would, because I had ugly bruises up and down my legs, and on my arms. Imagine my surprise when I tested at a perfect level. I felt like crying because I so could have used the sleep. Why had I cut my dose on my own? Why didn't I keep on taking my coumadin and just ignore the bruises? The sleep would have been heavenly in the hospital. I told ChicagoMama this and she told me that I would only worry about Z while I was there. She was right.
What I'm trying to say is that it was hard. Way harder than I imagined. It is not easy now. No. But I feel 100% better, I'm getting sleep, Z is sleeping through the night (12 hours!) and we've worked ourselves into a nice schedule (Thank you, Marla!). And all of that helps. Our days are so much nicer now that I'm not fighting a fever and an ear infection. And now that we're both sleeping.
I still get a little giddy when it is nap time and bed time, but man, do I love walking into her room in the morning and have her wake up smiling at me. She is wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. I have two complaints though. The first is that she learned how to grind her 8 teeth and she finds the sensation/noise fascinating. That noise takes a month off of my life every time I hear it. The second complaint is how much she falls. She bumps her noggin a couple time a day, which freaks me out and takes a good month off of my life every time she does it. I could pad the entire house with pillows, but she would still find the one spot to fall.
Anyway, I'm getting caught up on stuff, like blogs and thank you cards for all of the wonderful books Zoe received. And to those that requested to see the travel blog recently, if you didn't get the link, feel free to let me know again and I'll send it to you. We're keeping it going. I have pictures to post over here too, but you know...I'm behind.
Ohhh, I showed up for my blood test appointment one day early today. They were very understanding and squeezed me in, but I really am losing my mind.
Ah, welcome to motherhood! :)You know how they tell new moms to take a nap when their baby naps? That means YOU, too! And it sounds like you already know that! :) I was able to take the first three months off from work when I got home from China, and believe me, I got LOTS of naps in!
She is GORGEOUS, by the way! And I would LOVE to see your travel site! Somehow managed to miss joining in! :(
Posted by: Nancy | July 05, 2005 at 09:26 PM
Ah, welcome to motherhood! :)You know how they tell new moms to take a nap when their baby naps? That means YOU, too! And it sounds like you already know that! :) I was able to take the first three months off from work when I got home from China, and believe me, I got LOTS of naps in!
She is GORGEOUS, by the way! And I would LOVE to see your travel site! Somehow managed to miss joining in! :(
Posted by: Nancy | July 05, 2005 at 09:27 PM
Oh lady - I'm so happy to hear from you! I've been worried. I'm also glad to hear that things are working themselves out and that Z is now getting into a schedule. As for the falling - I think it's just par for the 9/10 month old course. Mine falls about 20 times a day and bonks her head nicely each time. She actually wiggled out of my arms the other day and I dropped her head first on the table. She is always just fine after a good cry. I tend to notice her falling more frequently when she's tired and it's a good signal that it's nap time for Z. They're built tough, so try not to worry too much :) Happy to have you back in the land of the living!
Posted by: afrindiemum | July 05, 2005 at 09:27 PM
Sounds like you've settled into motherhood perfectly! :) I just said to someone the other day that being a Mom was the hardest thing I have ever done, but also the most amazing and rewarding thing I will ever do.
And the falling reminds me of when A was that age, constantly hitting the ground! My Doctor said that unless he knocks himself out or cracks the floor, he's most likely fine and he was.
Posted by: Erin | July 05, 2005 at 11:09 PM
Eek! I mean eek! But golly Shelba...you've done it with such grace. If there's one thing I've learned from all of you recently, I've learned to appreciate the sleep I get right now. I know I can't stockpile it, but I'm trying to enjoy it. But dammit, I'm too excited right now to sleep much anyway!
Posted by: Figlet | July 05, 2005 at 11:22 PM
Welcome to Motherhood! It sounds like you are doing great :) I emailed you about the travel log but now I see why you haven't had a chance to respond! I would love to see it.. and to see some more pictures of that pretty baby.. Don't worry too much about the falling.. They all do it.
Congratulations, I am so happy for you!
Posted by: Laura | July 06, 2005 at 01:20 AM
I still get a little giddy when it is nap time and bed time, but man, do I love walking into her room in the morning and have her wake up smiling at me.
Hahahahaha, that's it exactly.
Glad you've gotten into a groove. It's still hard, I'm sure, but sounds a lot more manageable.
Posted by: Julie | July 06, 2005 at 05:42 AM
It sounds like you're settling in - I'm very happy for you. Can't wait for the pictures!
Posted by: Monica | July 06, 2005 at 09:20 AM
I'm glad it's coming together. People tell you it's hard, but you just don't KNOW until you KNOW, do ya? Hah. But when you KNOW and you're still in love, that's the best part.
Posted by: jen | July 06, 2005 at 09:28 AM
So I'm thinking I should try to meet all of my work deadlines BEFORE leaving for China on August 1st. Glad that things are getting easier! I would LOVE to read your travel blog. We will be in China from August 1-17th and I'm now obsessed with hearing about trips. Especially when written by smart, interesting people. Could you please e-mail me the link when you get time?
Posted by: Heather | July 06, 2005 at 10:29 AM
I'm so glad that things have turned around for you. I could only imagine how difficult it was, and i'm sure no one would understand since they expect you to be nothing but 180% happy all the time. I'm sure if I peep any thing but utter joy once our dd, Brooklyn, comes home i'll hear the ole- "You asked for it." grrr.
I've enjoyed reading your blog but missed the opportunity to have the link to read your China journey. Would you mind sending it to me?
BTW, our dossier was sent to China June 17th. Now we are in the looooooooong stage of waiting, waiting, and waiting some more. I feel like it will never come. Your photo of you and Zoe gave me a much needed lift and I return often to see it.
Thank you,
Ashley
Posted by: Ashley | July 06, 2005 at 12:00 PM
I'm so glad that things have turned around for you. I could only imagine how difficult it was, and i'm sure no one would understand since they expect you to be nothing but 180% happy all the time. I'm sure if I peep any thing but utter joy once our dd, Brooklyn, comes home i'll hear the ole- "You asked for it." grrr.
I've enjoyed reading your blog but missed the opportunity to have the link to read your China journey. Would you mind sending it to me?
BTW, our dossier was sent to China June 17th. Now we are in the looooooooong stage of waiting, waiting, and waiting some more. I feel like it will never come. Your photo of you and Zoe gave me a much needed lift and I return often to see it.
Thank you,
Ashley
Posted by: Ashley | July 06, 2005 at 12:03 PM
I'm glad to hear you are getting into a routine...it's easy to think it never will but it does! The first two weeks at home with Cheyenner were tough...she was "over attached" I ended up with my head in the toilet and having panic attacks for the first two weeks. I also have a health condition...spinal arthritis. I was well on my way to being hospitalized the first month. And I agree with you the rest did sound appealing!
Posted by: Rita | July 06, 2005 at 01:28 PM
Glad to hear that things are starting to turn around for you. I get panicky when I think about re-entry, but it's something you just get through, right? Take your time catching up and enjoy what you can! We love hearing from you.
Posted by: Amy/grrlTravels | July 06, 2005 at 03:42 PM
Glad to hear you are enjoying motherhood. I posted a request on a previous entry, but have not received the link to the travel blog. Will you please send it to me.
Thanks
Posted by: Lizzy'sMom | July 06, 2005 at 03:54 PM
I would love to read the travel log....I somehow missed my email with the link, or just responded too late. Thanks! We are DTC May 2005, so I have been following your story closely, and enjoying every word.
Posted by: Kat | July 06, 2005 at 06:54 PM
Hi,
I just recently started reading your blog and have commented only a few times.
Again, congratulations on your beautiful daughter! Sounds like you are both getting into a groove. It's great that she is sleeping so well!
Posted by: Linda B. | July 06, 2005 at 08:21 PM
i hear ya on the teeth grinding thing. it never ends. i can't tell if it's cute or the worst thing to happen since nails on a chalkboard. oh wait. yes i can.
z. sounds like a delight. one month already? probably seems like just yesterday and forever at the same time.
Posted by: jacks | July 06, 2005 at 09:41 PM
Motherhood is tough. It must have been really hard on you this past month though. I'm sure things will only improve :) Happy one month anniversary.
Posted by: Melany | July 08, 2005 at 05:14 AM
I'm glad you're getting settled in! I would love to read the travel blog as well.
Posted by: Ally | July 08, 2005 at 12:29 PM
Wow- thanks for sharing the good and the bad. I'm really scared about what it is going to be like *after* they hand me my child. I'm not a mother- what the heck am I going to do with her??
It is so helpful to hear about your journey, and to know that it is all worthwhile.
If I may make one request- I am curious as to how you got your daughter on a schedule? Any tips, tricks or advice is appreciated to mentally prepare myself!
Posted by: tshapedgirl | July 08, 2005 at 12:56 PM
I'm so glad you are feeling better -- those first few weeks are really rough. The tooth-grinding is so aggravating. My 5-year-old still does it while she's asleep and it drives me crazy -- not only is the sound horrible, but I can just picture her beautiful pearly white teeth wearing down. (They do have visible wear, but the dentist isn't too concerned.) I heard from a doctor who's also an adoptive mom that kids will tend to grind their teeth when they have stuffy noses, so if Z has a cold right now there is hope that she may stop doing it in the future. Unless she's just doing it for fun, in which case you can only hope it will pass.
Posted by: Sister Carrie | July 08, 2005 at 02:37 PM
Hello, delurking briefing to say congratulations and happy monthiversary. I can see from your 'Good 2 be small' entry that your daughter is gorgeous and you look like a very happy Momma! I'd love to see the travel blog if that's ok?
Posted by: Lis | July 11, 2005 at 11:03 AM
Is it mean of me to have laughed as I read this? Maybe I'm just jealous of your creativity--it never occurred to me to wish for hospitalization in the first weeks of motherhood. Death or just disappearing into the mist, but never hospitalization.
I'm glad things are going better. You're doing a great job.
Posted by: Moxie | July 11, 2005 at 09:08 PM
Congratulations! Been a lurker and now appearing to wish you well. I'm sure you will both settle into a nice routine soon. Also, would love to see the travel blog if it is fine with you. Cheers. :)
Posted by: Sarah | July 12, 2005 at 03:02 PM